Contrary to popular belief intimacy and honesty doesn't mean you should tell all
to your partner or potential partner. Sharing too much information can be
destructive to a relationship. You might feel better if you spill your guts, but
your partner most times ends up feeling much worse. Let's take a look at sexual
secrets. Tell only on a need to know basis. You needn't tell your lover how many
other partners you have had before he came along, and certainly don't give any
details of past experiences. It won't help your relationship and if something
happened that has profoundly affected you and/or will continue to have an impact
on your life, you should tell your partner. He doesn't have to know that you
have dated someone once or twice, but he should be told of a long term or
otherwise serious relationship, especially if you were married or engaged
before. Withholding information can hurt a relationship if there are serious or
ongoing issues between you and your partner. Money is always a touchy subject
for couples. Couples should talk with one another about money issues; there
should be no secrets when it comes to finances within a serious relationship.
When it comes to family secrets, you may want to tell all in a new relationship,
but, don't tell how uncle Lou dresses up like Cinderella at the family New Years
party after 2 drinks, and sings there's no place like home. The relationship
between you and your partner might not last, and how would you like everyone in
your Sociology class to know that about dear old Uncle Lou? Keep it to yourself
until they are officially in the family. I know you want "no secrets"
between you two from the start, but think first before you turn out your family.
Only tell secrets that are pertinent to the situation at hand. Let's move on to
personal secrets. If there are any secrets, he should hear them from you. You
must use your own best judgment as to how much and how far back you should go
when spilling those little secrets. Don't tell him secrets just to get them off
your chest, which is not fair to him or yourself. If the secret is a life or
death piece of information, he or she certainly has a right to know. If the
secret is going to come out eventually, your partner should hear it from you.
Revealing secrets can make the two of you closer, but do so slowly and with
caution. Trust is something a couple builds over time.